August 2014, my own month of madness!

My first seizure

Saturday 2nd August 2014

Like I said in my previous post I was obsessed with couponing and today we were driving 40 minutes to Morrisons to use £5 off £10 meat spend vouchers. We were going with my friend Hannah and this is when Martin noticed my strange behaviour, I literally ran into the store, I couldn’t focus on what I wanted and everything seemed really loud and bright. I managed to get everything I needed and paid for it and then I ran to the car like a mad woman, I couldn’t catch my breath or speak properly. Martin thought I was just over excited that we had saved so much but he did think I was acting a bit weird. We went home and spent the afternoon sorting out the meat to freeze it but I just couldn’t do it so Martin had to do. I just couldn’t focus. So I decided to get ready for the party we were going to later. We were supposed to be picking up our friends but for some reason I just couldn’t focus on getting ready, I was trying to do 100 other things at the same time and we ended up being late.

We were in the car on our way to pick up our friends, I was texting them and an argument started about how we were always late. Not a proper argument, just a silly, pathetic, nothing to worry about dispute but I totally flipped out. I started hysterically crying and demanded Martin turn the car around and we go home. He did as I requested and as we turned onto the side road off of the dual carriageway, I stuck my arms up in front of me like a zombie and started violently shaking. I was also drooling salvia and blood where I had bit my tongue and lips 3 different times. I fell unconscious after this. Martin pulled over and a girl passing by asked if Martin wanted her to call an ambulance. Martin said yes and called my dad who turned up. I have no memory of this, only what I’ve been told but I didn’t recognise Martin and when my dad approached me at the window I was terrified and didn’t recognise him. He asked me if I knew who he was and I said no. Where I had fitted so violently I had broken both my sandals and we later found out I had kicked something under martins car that has caused his heaters to stop working. The only memory I have is the paramedics walking me into the ambulance and lying me on the bed. We sat in a&e for around 4 hours, I was placed on a bed in a corridor. The doctors discharged me with anxiety attacks and a severe ear infection.

I was meant to do slimming worlds race for life on the Sunday morning but I was unable to do it.

On Monday I went to see a fit specialist at the hospital who said it was just anxiety attacks but did no tests to rule anything out. I tweeted at 9am

I feel so weird and I’m in so much pain, 😷😴😖

I then tweeted at 10.36am

I should not be allowed to watch rspca programmes #nocontrolofmyemotions #cryingmyeyesout 😭😪😥

as you can see I had lost control of ny emotions and crying at the littlest things! I was texting Martin at this time telling him how I couldn’t stop crying and he was asking me to stop. I went back to my gp who prescribed me ear drops and said it was just an ear infection. I then tweeted at 16.44pm

Atleast I’m not completely mad 👂💥

I didn’t go to work Tuesday 5th August 2014 and Wednesday 6th August 2014 and had to go to my parents to be looked after by my dad on the Wednesday. I tweeted my brother at 12.19pm on Wednesday 6th August 2014

just spent 10 mins trying to turn your tv on and now your wallpapers hurting my eyes 😖

his stripey wallpaper looked like it was moving and I couldn’t focus on turning the tv on so I gave up in the end and fell asleep.

By now I was having screaming fits every day and night and Martin and my dad had to go and speak to my neighbour and let her know I was ill as I was screaming at all times of the night and we didn’t want her thinking Martin was beating me haha! I was convinced I was going mad and I was depressed. It got worse when I was watching hollyoaks on 6th August 2014 and it was just after Perry finds out her ‘parents’ have just been killed in a car crash and she has gone to her friend Tom’s house to play Xbox. When Jack gets the phone call, it brings back memories to when I had answered the phone to my granny when my Bampi had been taken seriously ill, seeing the look of horror on his face caused what I thought was a screaming fit. All I remember is this horrible tension in my head and it hurting so much that I had to scream. I rewatched the episode the next day (thursday- when home alone) and managed to watch that part of the episode without having a screaming attack but when Leila had to identify the bodies and then the curtains closed. This brought back memories to my bampis funeral where the curtains closed at the end of the service and I went into another screaming fit. I text Martin and told him it had happened again. I was convinced then that I was not over the death of my Bampi even though it had been nearly 6 years and I’d had counseling in the past for it. I only ever got emotional around the time of year that he died so I felt confused. I just couldn’t get over the pain in my head that was causing me to scream, it was excruciating. I thought it was grief.  These continued for days and happened just about anywhere.

My mum was on holiday in Luxembourg visiting my auntie this week. I managed to call her through the app viber on the 7th August 2014, I was confused and crying because I didn’t know where I was even though I was at home and I didn’t know what I was doing and then suddenly I said “I’m alright now mum”. I went back to a&e and was admitted over night that day as Martin couldn’t wake me up for 2 hours so my dad told him to take me to hospital. They did an MRI scan on my brain, you have to remove all your piercings when you have an MRI scan due to the magnets. I have my top ear pierced and my tragus pierced, both which I could not remove myself, the porter who had brought me down for the scan said he would take them out for me. He removed the top ear with no problems but got the tragus piercing stuck. I started to panic. When I was younger I got a stone stuck in my ear and had to have it removed with crocodile scissors! It seemed like all my bad memories were bursting out of my head and scaring the hell out of me! I was terrified and went into another screaming fit. He seemed to really worry about me and refused to leave my side until I had calmed down, they got some tweezers and got the piercing out with no problems. Having an MRI scan on your head when your head feels like it’s going to explode and your hearing is so sensitive is horrible! I cried the whole way through. I got discharged the following day and was basically told I need to learn to control the attacks and get over it as the MRI scan had come back normal. I am signed off work from the hospital for 1 week. On the 8th August 2014 I realised I was in August, confused I tweeted whilst in hospital at 1.48am

how have I missed 8 days? I can smell popcorn

– how could the doctors not think there was anything wrong with me? I was saying crazy stuff and they said it was just anxiety?!

On Saturday 9th August 2014 I sat in the middle of my bed and tried to call my dad but I couldn’t speak so I passed the phone to Martin so he could speak for me. The next thing Martin knows I’m calling 101 emergency and trying to ask for help and for an ambulance because I can’t speak but I can’t get the words out properly. I can hear my dad telling Martin to tell me to put the phone down so I do. The emergency services call back and Martin explains that I am ill but I do not require assistance, they ask to speak to me to confirm this and the lady spends nearly half an hour on the phone to me calming me down, in the end she cancels the ambulance. The next day Martin spends most of the day asking me if I know what things are and who people are.

I decided I was going to take control of the situation and re-admit myself for physiological therapy appointments. I had an appointment on the 14th August 2014 with a lady called Kelly. Who diagnosed me with high levels of depression and anxiety. What confused me the most was I was at a time in my life where I probably the most happiest I had ever been, I was losing weight, I had a great set of friends, I had this new promotion in my job and I was just about to go on holiday! So how was I depressed and having these anxiety attacks when there was no reason for them?!

I have a doctor’s appointment for 15th August 2014 and the doctor says I have a severe ear infection still. I am meant to go to a friend’s 21st birthday party on 16th August but I cancel at the last minute and don’t go. I suddenly feel like I can’t be around anyone apart from my family and Martin. I tweeted at 22.18pm

feel like I’m about to pop!

My head is feeling so swollen and tense right now. Little did I know this would be my last tweet until 18th September 2014.

Sunday 17th August 2014 I did a carboot and felt like people were trying to steal from me so I made Martin write down everything we sold and how much for but I felt I needed to get rid of everything so I started selling stuff at ridiculous prices like 50p for a brand new branded top that should have been more like £2! I have now realised I was selling stuff I actually needed still and doing a carboot was a really bad idea.

Monday 18th August 2014, my first day back at work and it was very LOUD! The children seemed louder than usual and the lights were brighter than usual and my headache seemed to be getting worse. I was just wondering around in my own world when I was asked by one of my co-workers to help them move a bench in the playground. I walked over to the bench, bent down to pick it up and burst out crying hysterically. Everyone seemed so shocked, I mentioned I still had the ear infection and Claire who was in charge that day called my mum for me to pick me up. The pressure from bending down and lifting the bench up caused the most excruciating burning pain in my head that I had ever felt. My mum came and I kept saying to her about how loud the children were and how bright it was. She said to me that they weren’t being loud and it was just a normal day it wasn’t overly sunny. I had been at work for around an hour when I was sent home. I made yet another appointment with my gp. I went to the appointment with my mum and I sat in the chair next to the doctor and I said to her, my head feels like a lollipop, I feel twisted. She asked me to describe how I felt twisted. I turned 360 degrees in my chair putting my legs in the air and she said it was just an anxiety attack and ear infection. My mum told her that I was due to fly on Wednesday morning and she advised my mum and wrote on my notes

SAFE TO FLY.

Safe to say I wasn’t safe to fly. I will do a separate post about the travel to Gatwick and the flight to Luxembourg and our holiday there. August was definitely my month of madness, my month of hell!

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Author: jennygx

My name is Jenny, I live in Bournemouth with my boyfriend Martin and 2 cats Mystie and Tipsy. I was diagnosed with Anti-NMDA Receptor Encephalitis in August 2014, my whole life was completely changed and I created this blog to try to piece together forgotten memories with texts and social media posts I had sent during my month of madness. I now use the blog to raise awareness for Encephalitis and brain injuries and to connect with other survivors.. I am still slowly recovering, it is a long process and extremely hard but every day is a step closer to a healthier me!

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